can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
