I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am one with the molecules
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
