Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
whose ass print is on the piano?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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