It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
