What a fucking waste of an outfit
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
