At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
