Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize