I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
