I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
