LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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