So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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