She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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