You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
