I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
