Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
