He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
