We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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