i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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