ugly people sure do ruin things
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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