Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize