Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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