i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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