Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
