Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
