i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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