Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
