wrigley field is MILF paradise
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
