My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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