ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
