Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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