yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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