Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
