My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
