she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize