I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is Oprah even human
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
