Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
