if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
