I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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