He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
