Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
