On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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