Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
