Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
