wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
