the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
