I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
