I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
