Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
