your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
