Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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