i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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