I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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