it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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