I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
