the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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