Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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