i jhust puked up my retainher.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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