I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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