How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
