Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
