If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
