weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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