I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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