He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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