I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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