ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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